Is anybody still here? After 7 months, 8 days and an eternity.
I hope you are. First of all, Hi! Long time no writing, chatting with you and creating anything. I imagine how much of an eternity it was, due to the fact that 2 seasons have passed already, a pandemic started and yet did not finish, around 2,520,000 new little creatures have been born and… let’s not mention the number of people who died, even though I tried to calculate it.
Second of all, I want to thank to Elena Ruxandra, for the collaboration we will have from now on. I love her pictures, so I have decided together with her, to show them more to the world, because her works deserves more credit.
Annndd, drums please! I have finally an official website, so it will be much easier to search and find it from now on: https://mypathtokorea.com/
Enough with the news.
My life has changed drastically in the past 7 months, but even though that is not what I am trying to talk about, the past 7 months changed also my view towards Go.
When I came back from Korea, I could not think about something else, but Go. When I was eating, I was solving tsumego, when I was out, instead of listening to music, I was listening to Haylee’s videos, just like they would be kind of a podcast, through my headphones. The hardest part was to go to sleep and not dream or think about patterns. That is the reason why for around 2 months I could not sleep the nights, because I did not want to dream the same things all over again. It was an obsession, not because I actually love Go, but because of the pressure that I created myself.
I managed to forget shortly about Go, I started working for a platform of online job interviews as a Tech Support and that kept my mind busy. Then I met new people, the pandemic started, I moved in a new flat… and so on.
At some point I realized that now I feel exactly the opposite. I was disgusted, I could not even touch the stones anymore. And that is because I started to see the board just like a piece of wood and nothing else. I felt so stupid… ”What am I doing? Playing with some stones and a piece of wood my whole life? Grow up, girl!” The entourage that I belonged with these 7 months was telling me that I should do more useful things in my life and stop wasting time. And for a moment, I really believed that what I am doing is stupid. Until…
Until I got the connection again. I felt it again!
Some time ago, two friends of mine visited me. And we had a really good time. One of them is actually the young lady I mentioned about earlier.
Eduard, this good friend of mine… for me, a genius, is working on a project that involves people and art in it. I am not allowed to say more.
He started asking me questions, for his future painting and at some point… I did not know how to answer. My mind was so clear! But the words limited me in explaining.
I was trying to find a way how to respond. And then I look at my Goban.
And I start putting stones… and then I make a mirror Go position. And then I am trying to explain as simple as possible, what does that mirror actually means in real life to me.
Even though Eduard does not know too much about this mind sport, he understood probably better than any Go player in that moment.
I started to feel this emotion, that I did not feel for such a long time. Suddenly the feeling of touching the stones, caressing the Goban, hitting the stones over, had again a sense. And what a profound sense…
When Eddie saw the fact that I can express myself much better on the Goban, the questions left had me show my answers only on the board. And that was the start, the start that I needed.
P.S. And since Eddie was a witness during this whole process and because he was there at the right moment, asking the right questions, letting me comfortable and free, I want to share his talent and work (one of his recent paintings):
Since then, I am staying in my flat, I am studying Go, but so much different now. Now it is for MYSELF and totally for myself.
And I will never let anyone and anything take this back from me.
Play of the week: